Grief is a deeply personal experience that often follows loss, especially during bereavement, yet many people find comfort in understanding that their feelings are part of a shared human process. Psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the widely known Kubler-Ross stages of grief in 1969, which helped explain the emotional responses people commonly experience after loss. Over time, this framework has evolved from the traditional 5 stages of grief to what some professionals now describe as the 7 stages of grief, offering a more nuanced view of the healing journey.
In this blog, we’ll explore these stages in detail to help you better understand grief, validate your emotions, and recognize that healing is not linear—but possible, especially with the support of adult therapy in Houston when you need guidance along the way.
How Many Stages Of Grief Are There
There isn’t just one fixed answer to how many stages of grief there are, because grief can be understood through different models. The most widely recognized framework is the 5 stages of grief, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
However, some experts expand this model into the 7 stages of grief, adding shock and testing to better reflect the emotional complexity people experience after loss. Beyond numbered stages, many professionals also refer to the phases of mourning, which emphasize that grief is not linear and that individuals may move back and forth between emotions as they heal.
What Are The Five Stages Of Grief
The 5 stages of grief are commonly used to explain how people emotionally respond to loss and major life changes. Often shown as a change curve, this framework—also called the 5 grieving process or the five stages of bereavement—helps normalize the wide range of feelings experienced during grief and healing.
1. Denial
Denial is typically the first stage in the grieving process. At this point, the reality of the loss feels overwhelming or unbelievable, and people may respond with shock or numbness. Denial acts as a temporary buffer that helps protect the mind from being flooded all at once with painful emotions. It allows individuals to slowly process what has happened instead of being overwhelmed immediately by the full weight of the loss.
2. Anger
Once the initial shock begins to fade, anger often follows. In this stage, people may feel intense frustration or resentment. This anger can be directed toward others, oneself, or even the person or situation responsible for the loss. It’s a natural emotional reaction that reflects how unfair or painful the change feels. Although it can be intense, anger is a part of working through emotional hurt and adjusting to the reality of the situation.
3. Bargaining
The bargaining stage involves trying to regain control or make sense of the loss by mentally negotiating “what if” or “if only” scenarios. People may replay situations in their minds, wishing they could reverse or lessen the impact of what happened. This stage often accompanies feelings of guilt or longing for different outcomes, and represents a search for meaning or hope when facing change.
4. Depression
Depression in grief isn’t a clinical diagnosis but a natural emotional response to the reality of the loss. During this stage, sadness, emptiness, withdrawal, and longing become more profound as the individual begins to fully grasp the extent of what has changed. This stage can feel like “the lowest point” and may involve grieving what has been lost, including routines, roles, or expectations. It’s often a deeper, inward-focused stage of adaptation in the 5 grieving process.
Read Related: Is Therapy helpful for Depression
5. Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or being “okay” with the loss. Instead, it reflects a point where the individual recognizes the new reality and begins to adapt to life without what was lost. This stage may come with a sense of peace, renewed routines, or a gradual return to activities and relationships that bring meaning. Importantly, acceptance is part of healing and does not imply the absence of sadness, but rather a willingness to live with the loss and move forward.
What Are The 7 Stages Of Grief
In the 7 stages of grief, two additional stages expand on the traditional model to better reflect the full emotional journey after loss. Below, we’ll focus only on these two newer stages, as the other stages have already been discussed earlier.
1. Shock
Shock is often the immediate response to loss and is not included in the original five-stage model. During this stage, a person may feel numb, disconnected, or emotionally frozen, as if reality hasn’t fully registered yet. Shock acts as a protective mechanism, helping the mind cope with overwhelming emotions before deeper feelings begin to surface.
2. Testing
The testing stage is another addition that appears in the expanded seven-stage framework. Here, individuals begin to experiment with ways to move forward—trying new routines, seeking support, or gently re-engaging with daily life. This stage reflects early healing and problem-solving, as a person learns what helps them cope and adapt to life after loss.
If you’re struggling to cope with these stages, consider reaching out to grief counseling for support and guidance.
Do the Stages of Grief Happen in Order?
The short answer is: not always. While the 5 stages of grief and 7 stages of grief provide a helpful framework for understanding emotional responses to loss, they do not follow a strict, linear order. People may move back and forth between stages, skip some entirely, or experience multiple stages at the same time.
For example, someone might feel anger before denial, or cycle between depression and testing several times before reaching acceptance. Grief is highly individual, and everyone’s emotional journey is unique. Understanding this flexibility can help people feel less “wrong” for not following a predictable path and more accepting of their own process.
Grief is more like a change curve, with ups and downs, rather than a straight line from start to finish.
A Real-Life Example of a Man Going Through the 7 Stages of Grief
To better understand how the 7 stages of grief play out, let’s look at a simple, real-life example. John, a man who has just lost his father, experiences each stage in his own way, showing how grief affects emotions, thoughts, and behaviors over time. Here’s how his journey unfolds:
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Shock: When John first hears that his father has passed away suddenly, he can’t believe it. He feels numb and almost detached, thinking, “This can’t be happening. It must be a mistake.”
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Denial: In the days following, John avoids talking about the loss and keeps expecting his dad to call or walk through the door. He tries to act like everything is normal, even though deep down he knows it isn’t.
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Anger: After a week, John starts feeling frustrated and angry. He feels it’s unfair that his father is gone and sometimes lashes out at family members or even himself for things left unsaid.
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Bargaining: John finds himself thinking, “If only I had spent more time with him… if only I had called him last week…” He tries to imagine ways he could have prevented the loss, even though it wasn’t in his control.
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Depression: As the reality sinks in, John feels deep sadness. He withdraws from friends, loses interest in hobbies, and sometimes feels like life has lost its color. He cries often and feels the emptiness of his father’s absence.
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Testing: After some time, John begins trying small steps to move forward. He starts reconnecting with friends, going for walks, and exploring ways to honor his father’s memory. He’s experimenting with coping strategies and routines that bring some comfort.
- Acceptance: Finally, John reaches a stage where he can remember his father without overwhelming sadness. He still misses him, but he begins to live fully, cherishing the memories while continuing his life. He has found a new normal and a way to carry his father’s legacy with him.
Professional Grief Counseling When You Need It Most
Grief looks different for everyone, and understanding the stages of grief can help make sense of the intense emotions that come with losing a loved one. While these stages don’t follow a strict order, they offer reassurance that what you’re feeling is a natural part of healing—and that you don’t have to go through it alone.
At Brittani Persha Counseling, our therapists offer compassionate grief counseling to support you through loss at your own pace. Founded in 2016, we bring years of experience helping clients navigate their emotions, and we provide a free 20-minute consultation to help you take the first step toward healing in a safe, understanding space.
